at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
