First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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