sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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