Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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