where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
