And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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