just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want nice things and good sex
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
