you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's never too late to be topless.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
