Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
