I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
