You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
