i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I want to fling myself into the sun
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
