Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
