Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
