it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
