I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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