i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
