Don't you send me to vm
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
