I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
