Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
