I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
