weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
