3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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