why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
stop calling my apartment porn island.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
