I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
