Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
