i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
