well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
