He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
