bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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