lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
