I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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