who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
