i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
