the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
