We're facebook friends in real life
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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