Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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