is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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