i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
