Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
