I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
