So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
