well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
