she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
