Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
