How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
