There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
