I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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