Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dick very happy bro
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
