i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
