Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
