clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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