How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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